Fighting for the feeling
by You-drive-me-nuts-miller
Summary: AU. Jess has not moved into the loft. But she still dreams of finding that feeling, even if it seems impossible.


**_A fantabulous happy birthday to my beta Ztofan - this is part of her present!_**

Would it ever happen for her? That thing - that _feeling_?

That was the question that ran over Jessica Day's mind almost every day. She saw her old school friends marrying, having kids - being settled and (or at least seeming) content with their lot. She tried to be happy for them; tried to smile when they showed her their sonogram pictures or handed her wedding invitations. She really did. But every single event pushed her further and further into the realm of despair. It hadn't happened. She hadn't found that thing - that spark. Maybe she never would…

It wasn't like she hadn't tried. Or even that she hadn't came close. But that feeling - that yearning for someone - that need for them to make her feel complete, had eluded her. It was almost as if she hadn't even been kissed properly before. Never having felt that burning-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach, swirling sensation that made your head spin, that she had read about in novels or seen in movies.

Class was over for the day and she was sat at her desk; a pile of papers set abandoned to her right. She fingered the invitation in her hand, running her thumb along its crisp edges. Jenni was getting married. Jenni, one of her last single friends from college. The ivory card was thick and heavy, the curling gold script pressed deeply into it, the space for her name appeared disjointed as 'Jessica Day' sat awkwardly to one side of the line, the words 'plus guest' seemingly added as an afterthought.

Another wedding. Another night sat at the singles table. Another chance to see those pitying faces after the question, 'So are you married?' and another chorus of 'It will happen for you soon' in response.

In truth Jess had almost resigned herself to permanent single life and future cat lady status. _Almost. _Because that crazy spark of optimism inside her refused to die. It helped her to hope. Made her want to fight against the doubt - fight for the feeling of being in love.

* * *

"Cece, you look gorgeous!" Jess cried, eyeing her friends skin tight royal blue bandage dress.

"Thanks!" smiled her friend, "I snagged it from a photo shoot - Prada!"

"Ohh," Jess teased, hooking her arm into her friends as they made their way into the Hilton. "The perks of being a model!"

"Indeed!" Cece laughed, hugging Jess close. "Jess, are you okay? You seem a little… Off."

They paused as they reached the seating chart, scanning the board at the back of the room. Jess pursed her lips. "I'm fine. It's just…"

Cece took hold of Jess's arms, staring down into her blue eyes with her own chocolate brown ones, "I know. I understand. This is weird."

Jess shrugged, dropping her eyes, "It's been a year since Spencer Cees. What if that was it for me? I try and stay positive, but-"

"Hey, stop that," Cece held her a little tighter, shaking her slightly, "Shake it off. Jess, you are an amazing person. Like the best person I know. Your life is good. And one day - soon - everything is going to come together for you. I know it."

Cece had been her cheerleader for much of her life. Ever since she had ran for class president and Cece had ran on stage to stand up for her when the jocks started laughing at her election speech. She'd been the one who she could always rely on to have her back.

"You have to say that, you're my best friend."

"You got me there," she smiled, before leaning in closer to whisper in her ear, "But I believe it too."

Jess felt a warm fuzziness flood through her veins. She silently chastised herself for her own negative attitude at times. For all she didn't have in some ways, she really ought to appreciate what she did. And part of that was the greatest best friend anyone could hope for.

"Come on lady, let me buy you a drink," Cece winked, placing her hand at Jess's back.

"It's an open bar," Jess laughed.

"Even better!"

* * *

Table eleven was inhabited, as expected, by the 'single' friends. besides herself and Cece, there was a work colleague of Jenni's who didn't speak very much (Sarah said her name card), three young cousins of the groom who seemed to giggle every other word and four guys who appeared to be competing to see who could get the most drunk. Jess rolled her eyes and sipped on her pink wine, "You see the pool we have to work with?" she muttered, gesturing to the four men who were apparently trying to set up a miniature came of beer pong with a wine glass and pieces of a bread roll.

"Men," Cece replied, shaking her head, "Sometimes I wonder how the human race survived so long."

"I hear ya sister," Jess chimed, tapping her glass against her friends.

"Top up?" Cece asked, nodding towards the glass.

"Mmmhmmm," she nodded in reply, "And let's get shots! Tequila!"

"Are you sure?" Cece raised her eyebrows uncertainly.

"May as well get drunk - not like I'm going to meet the man of my dreams tonight.

Cece looked over at their male table-mates, one now was slumped down on the table, passed out, and his friend was using a Sharpie to draw a moustache on his face. "Fair point."

* * *

She had been gone a little while when Jess's eyes began to wander around the room. The bad was playing a lively dance song and most of the guests were flooding the large floor, the open bar fulfilling it's purpose as social lubricant to the proceedings.

The last drops of wine in her glass had taken on the lukewarm temperature of the room and she wrinkled her nose as they rolled over her tongue. She glanced over to the bar - Cece was almost at the front of the queue. Free bars - the only time when being a gorgeous model didn't help you get served much quicker!

Turning back to her almost empty glass, her eye was caught by someone looking - no staring -at her, two tables across from where she sat. Her nose wrinkled a little at first, wondering why on Earth this stranger was so fixated. This initial feeling was soon overcome by a hot flush. He kept his eyes fixed, rolling the liquor in his glass around as he did. Although the room was lit only by candles and the lights from the stage, his steely eyed gaze was hard to miss. He seemed to almost seeing straight inside of her and she wanted to shover at the intimacy of his stare. A surge of prickling heat shifted over her chest. She could make out his dark ruffled hair and his slightly crumpled shirt. He looked a little like an old fashioned college professor with his brown vest and rolled up sleeves. When he realised she could see him he smiled. The edges of her mouth flickered in response and she took in a sharp breath. A little flutter rose in her stomach. Her breathing began to slow a little, time almost stopping as a silent moment passed between the two. He nodded lightly, raising his glass. She bit her lip and raised her own, tilting her head a little to her shoulder, her cheeks beginning to glow a little - perhaps from the wine. Perhaps from something else.

"Urgh, sorry about that," Cece sighed, slamming down a tray carrying bottle of wine, a glass full of lime wedges and four tequila shots. "Turns out I'm not a good enough tipper to warrant quick service. Hey - you okay? You seem a little spaced out."

Jess whipped her head around to her friend, thankful for the darkness to hide her blush. "No, just… Chillin'"

"Chillin'?" Cece mocked, deadpan, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, chillin'" Jess echoed, picked up a shot glass, "Come on."

"Okay girl," Cece laughed before passing over the salt cellar. Jess licked a stripe along her hand, sprinkling it with salt before looking up to see if Mr. Mystery was still watching. But his seat was empty and something inside her chest sagged a little in disappointment. _Oh well, _she told herself, knocking back the shot; the woody taste stinging her tongue as it streamed down her throat.

"Whoo!" Jess coughed, slamming down the glass and grabbing a slice of lime and stuffing it in her mouth, her eyes tearing up a little at the bitterness.

"Hey, slow down!" Cece laughed as her coughing subsided..

"I'm fine!" Cece's eyes widened as Jess filled her wine glass with peachy coloured rose and proceeded to take a large gulp. "Come on," she cried, grabbing her friends arm, "Let's dance!"

* * *

Five songs later her feet ached - the five inch heels she had been talked into wearing felt foreign to her and the arches of her feet were beginning to cramp up with the effort of balancing on the two inches of ball and toe they were afforded.

"I'm gonna sit down babe," Jess cried above the music. Cece was swaying along to the music, arms in the air, surrounded by three prowling men who she seemed to find far more amusing than alluring.

"Okay, I'll be there soon," she replied with a wink.

"Yeah, yeah." Jess snorted and shook her head. Cece was the worst flirt when she was drunk.

Her table was gladly empty when she returned - even the ever quiet Sarah seemed to have found something to occupy her attention. She refilled her glass and quickly swallowed a mouthful, the alcohol topping up her state of semi drunkenness.

A fuzzy state of contentment buzzed around her. You know, life wasn't so bad she thought. As things stood she could do what she wanted, when she wanted and with whom she wanted. That made her laugh - she hadn't actually had much of doing anything with anyone in a while. But still - the opportunity was there. More wine slipped down her throat. She let her mind wander of it's own accord. She found herself thinking of the man from earlier. Wondering who he was. Smiling as she imagined how he might kiss…

"Is this seat taken?"

"Huh?"

It was him. Beside her.

Her mouth formed a questioning 'o', here eyes widened for a second until she shook her head and nodded, "Um, okay… No…"

He sat, placing his glass in from of him. Jess suddenly felt awkward. This stranger who she had shared a moment with across a crowded room was now inches away from her. They were both quiet for a second.

"So…" With a deep breath she turned and faced him. A smile on her lips, when she caught his eye she blushed and turned her face back to the dance floor. "I'm Jess."

"Nick. Nick Miller."

Nick. That's a nice name, she thought absentmindedly as she watched Cece dance awkwardly with a tall guy who had had too many beers.

She looked over her shoulder at him again, biting her lip. He smiled again. Her heart fluttered a little. He had a nice smile. No - a great smile. All soft lips and strong jawed.

"So…" she began again, at a loss with what to say. Her eyes dropped to the table, glancing upon the tequila. "Drink?"

He followed her gaze, nodding. She placed a shot in front of each of them and the glass of limes in between. She was reaching for the salt when he grabbed her hand. His fingers were warm and surprisingly soft - his hands large, making her own feel small and dainty. She shivered a little but didn't pull away. For some reason she trusted him. Or at least, was intrigued enough to not flinch.

He leant forward and placed a moist kiss on the patch of skin above her thumb, layering it with salt before picking up his glass. "Bottoms up," he whispered, his eyes hooded and - she couldn't deny it - ridiculously sexy. His tongue slowly lapped up the salt - soft and silky against her skin - the whole time looking her in the eye, catching her heart in her throat. The shot was quickly thrown back then the lime took its place, his jaw clenching as he bit into it, his tongue swiping over his lips as he tossed it back down to the table.

For a second she was speechless. Since when had taking a shot became so… erotic? Her head throbbed and eyes bugged a little. He picked up his drink and continued watching her. Waiting almost it seemed. In a fluster she simply threw her own shot down her throat with little ceremony, choking on it almost immediately.

"You alright?" he asked, his hand slipping onto her back as she struggled to regain her composure.

"Fine," she choked, swallowing quickly and coughing lightly.

Then she met his eyes for the first time since he had sat. Warm, dark, kind… They crinkled a little at the edges. HIs hand was still on her shoulder. It felt burning hot. But she didn't want him to let go.

"Jess. That's a pretty name."

"Thanks," she whispered. "You know the groom?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "College buddies."

"Me too," she replied, before adding, "The bride I mean."

He nodded and smiled again. That smile made her want to melt. Hell he was handsome. The stubble on his face just the right side of untidy. His dark skin complimenting his dark eyes and pinkish lips.

She only just noticed his accent. A soft and comforting midwestern drawl that wrapped deliciously around each word and made his voice rumble slightly as he spoke. She had this strange urge to giggle.

"So whats a beautiful girl like you doing without a date?"

Straight to the point she thought. She shrugged, "Life. Circumstance. Whatever."

"Well, it's a tragedy," he murmured, edging ever so slightly closer. She felt her skin prickle again and her body begin to heat up. She couldn't remember the last time a man had made her feel like this

"You don't even know me," she replied, her breathing slowing, the noise from the room slipping away.

"Maybe. But I'd like to."

Jess bit her lip. This was crazy. This pretty much stranger was full on flirting with her. She had no idea who he was. No idea what he was. But…

She felt it. The beginnings of that tug - that urge - that _need. _She glanced to his pink lips, wondering what they would taste like. Imagining his hands dug in her hair and his body pressed against her own. Her eyes fluttered closed.

"You're crazy."

"Maybe I am," he countered.

There was something there - something intangible between them. She couldn't deny it although she didn't understand it.

Her hand crept along the white table cloth, inching closer to his.

_This is insane…_ she told herself.

Their fingers met. A spark flew. She flinched a little.

He leaned a little closer.

_Whoa - is he going to-_

"Jessssss…" Cece's drunken drawl cut through the moment in a minute. Her hand flew back to her waist.

"Cees…" she turned to look at her friend. Her hair was ruffled. Her lip stick a little smudged.

"I feel sick Jess…." she hiccuped. Quickly Jess stood and hooked her arm around her friends waist.

Jess looked back a Nick. He was watching the bar, purposely turned away from the two. Had she imagined the moment before.

"Hey," she called, "I'm sorry… I gotta…" she gestured to Cece.

''s fine," he nodded, getting up from his seat. "See you around?" he asked.

And she nodded lightly, feeling the lilt of disappointment as he disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

Cece was safely in a cab with a plastic bag for insurance thirty minutes later. Jess glanced at her watch. Almost midnight.

The alcohol of earlier had almost worn off. She felt a little lightheaded but grounded. Trudging back to their table she picked up her purse and finished her glass of wine.

This bit was hard. The end of the night.

On the dance floor remained a dozen couples. Arms wrapped around each other. Swaying in time with the music.

She stopped and stared. Sighing. She couldn't deny she missed the feel of a pair of strong arms around her.

Shoulders sinking she shook her head. _Maybe soon. _

The hand that caught her elbow moved quickly from behind, spinning her around.

"You?" she gasped.

"Nick," he replied. "A dance?"

Her lips twisted upwards. "Sure."

Dropping everything on the table he let her lead her onto the dance floor. The music shifted, melting into the next song. Gently, he slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her close enough so she could encircle his neck and look up into his eyes. The eyes of this still almost stranger who she felt this unnerving connection.

"So you're still here, I thought you might have left," she told him pursing her lips with a wry smile.

"Well," he replied, pulling her a little closer, 'I had unfinished business."

She felt her stomach ripple and flip a little. She let her hips slip towards his and his hands tighten on her waist. "And what would that be?" she teased.

"Well," he sucked in a breath, "I saw this girl tonight and…" his eyes slipped closed, "You know, she got under my skin. Crazy huh?"

"Crazy," she repeated with a wide smile.

"And I know nothing about her. But I want to know everything."

"Wow, that's… Um…"

Before she could reply, his hand found her jaw, thumb rubbing against her check. Damn he smelt good. A hint of cologne mixed with soap and sweat and - _man. _Her breathing became thick and heavy, his arm around her waist was supporting her. Her mind was spinning slightly. They continued to sway from side to side.

"You're gorgeous," he told her.

"You're not bad yourself," she muttered, her eyes flickering between his eyes and his lips.

Achingly, achingly slowly, those lips approached hers. Taking their time as if asking permission. She stilled, frozen.

Soft. Oh so soft they were. Her mouth smiled involuntarily. Her fingers began to work their way into the nape of his hair, reaching up into him.

A soft tongue invaded her mouth.

Heaven.

She wrenched herself closer to him. Pressing her mouth against his.

Hot. Burning. Tinging. Sparkling. Aching…

So many feelings at once she thought she might explode. She explored his mouth, tongue tentatively entering his in small bursts before he joined her and it became all out war. His arms tightening. She thought she might cry out for a second.

The music swirled around them, twisting the pair into a dizzying height of sensation.

It had never felt this was.

Ever.

Their lips never parted as the bars of the song wound down, until finally they ceased. Another, livelier tune taking place.

Chests heaving, foreheads met. She smiled.

Was this is? She thought. The feeling?

"I-" she began.

He silenced her with an achingly, torturously soft kiss on her lips that made her want to melt into him.

"Shhh," he urged. Moving his kisses - to her cheeks, her forehead, her nose. She felt her emotions drizzle into a puddle at her feet. Warmth pooled in her belly. Her body felt numb. The feel of the proximity of his warmth to her was simply intoxicating.

"Nick…" she muttered into his neck. He felt good in her arms. So good. "This is insane…"

The song had finished. The floor was silent. They were the only pair left now in the shadow between the dance floor and the rest of the room. His forehead dropped to hers. His nose pushing against her own.

She drank in his senses. So intoxicating.

"I know…" he replied before he kissed her again.

Hot, cool, hard, soft, tender, tough…

And she knew she had found it. _That _feeling she ached and craved for. With a stranger at a wedding. She wanted to laugh. But instead she pulled back and looked at his eyes.

_Perhaps, _she thought, _sometimes you find these moments in the most unexpected places._

And she pulled his mouth tighter, wanting one more kiss before the night was over.

**Reviews are always appreciated - more than you could know!**


End file.
